Ranu's Reviews

This week opens up with Danielle’s realtor paying a visit to Danielle’s soon to be ex-home. We learn that an emotional Danielle is a victim of the declining house market and that she will be taking a loss on the house when she eventually sells it. However, she does feel that she has the nicest bathroom in the city of Wayne, NJ—no offense to anyone. It comes with a bidet (aka booty washer) and a closet full of junk that we weren’t allowed to see on TV. I had to laugh when the realtor told her that people do open closets when they look at houses. With the popularity of this show, I really find it hard to believe that she cannot get what she paid for the house. There has to be some nutbag out there who will buy her house for $2 million.

Joe Likes a Big Ass

Caroline and Jacqueline are hanging out at Aldo’s Cucina in Wayne waiting for the always late Teresa.  After ordering her lunch, we hear Teresa describe how Joe was “bothering” her last night. She was extremely tired and just let her hubby do what he had to do. Although, since she’s got the bubbies, she likes to be on top.

The conversation shifts from Teresa’s sex life to Danielleand Teresa apologizes for bringing up garbage while they’re eating. That beingsaid, they continue to grill Jacqueline about Danielle and she doesn’t seem tobe backing down. Jacqueline is still on good terms with Danielle and wouldn’tsnub her if she saw her on the street. Good thing, because I don’t know whatthe heck these woman would talk about if Danielle wasn’t part of this cast.

Welcome to the Weakest Link

The Danielle bashing continued and Teresa mentions that court documents mentioned Danielle with coke, loaded guns and holding kids for ransom. Jacqueline is trying to defend her “peaceful acquaintance” when Caroline starts picking on Danielle’s kids by calling them socially awkward. You can tell that Jacqueline is getting upset with the conversation—especially when Caroline calls Jacqueline the weakest link. Basically, she is implying that Jacqueline can’t handle herself and that Danielle is preying on her.

Caroline feels that if Danielle truly wants peace that she should speak to her and Teresa, not Jacqueline. She also brought up the point that Danielle told Dina she would come knocking and wouldn’t come alone.

Hamming It Up

Caroline’s three kids are playing the ham game in the kitchen. The rules of the game seem to be simple—pelt someone in the face with a piece of ham. I thought it was pretty funny, but Caroline and her husband didn’t seem to agree with me or their kids when they walked in on them.

The family’s joviality takes a turn for the worse when Albie asks how things are going with Vito (his best friend and now Lauren’s boyfriend). Lauren takes offense to the way Albie asked—she thought he was being a smart ass. I gotta side with the guys on this one—probably because I am a guy, but I didn’t think he was being a wise ass at all.

Caroline wants there to be peace (seems like a reoccurring theme on this show) between her children, but I honestly don’t know how that is going to be possible when just the sight of Vito holding hands with Lauren makes Albie throw up in his mouth.

And Take Your Laundry with You

Ashley decides to make a surprise visit home to visit with la familia. OK, not really. She wants her mommy to labor through two garbage bags (is theAngelina from Jersey Shore?) of laundry while watching two young children.

Jacqueline seemed almost ready to do it when she asked her 18-year child a few questions about her current living arrangements. Ashley got pretty upset at some harmless and logical questions, so I wonder if something is going on in her life that we’re not seeing—or maybe she is just a spoiled brat. Mommy Jac got pissed off and told her daughter goodbye and to take her laundry with her. I wonder if she is still upset that the other housewives called her “weak” and is taking it out on her daughter.

Superstars

Back at Danielle’s place, her oldest daughter Christine just found out that she got a modeling gig. Her daughter is very chill about the whole thing while Danielle is getting ready to jump on the Christine bandwagon. She makes her daughter promise that she won’t forget her when she makes it big and that eventually they’ll be able to get back into a big house. Sounds like Danielle is supporting her daughter, but I think she is hoping that her daughter will support her someday.

Coincidentally, Gia, Teresa’s 8-year old daughter is also looking for an aspiring career as a model. They went down to this PR firm that is looking for one child to walk on the runway during fashion week. I have to say that I thought Teresa’s daughter did a good job walking and was shocked to hear this voice over telling us that the kid is not a super model because she is only four feet tall. Little did I know this was the voice of Danielle and not the talent evaluator. Now I know why people don’t really care for her—c’mon, the kid is eight and she’s picking on her because of her height?

Quiet on the Set

Christine’s big day has arrived as she is being photographed by some European famous dude that I don’t feel like looking back on how to spell his name. You gotta give this kid credit—she has the look, the attitude and maturity—must get that from her father. It didn’t take long for Danielle to get under Christine’s skin and the younger Staub had to tell her momma to zip it.

I had a feeling that Danielle wouldn’t let her daughter have all the spotlight and before you know it—she’s up there too modeling with her daughter. Her daughter was flashing her “Ramona eyes” behind mommy’s back and I don’t think she was too happy that Danielle will be making a point to come to every single modeling gig.

Cover Girl

Christine lands the cover of Daily magazine and Ivan Bart wants her to do a show at Fashion Week.  She seems very excited until Bradley compliments Danielle on being a good mother and wants her to be with her daughter the entire time. Something is definitely brewing between these two and I wouldn’t be surprised if something blows up during Fashion Week--it just might be Christine's "Ramona eyes."

Puffy Chucky

Wow. Now the girls are talking about their va jay jays and how gross they look at child birth. I hate to break it to you ladies, but most guys don’t look at a girl’s vagina and fall in love—it’s not usually the prettiest feature of a woman—regardless of childbirth or not. Now, guys might fall in love after taking a little sample, but that is a discussion for another forum.

Lunch for One?

In honor of her daughter making the cover of Daily, Danielle wants to throw a celebratory lunch for her—but not invite any of the kid’s friends—just people that Danielle kind of doesn’t get along with. Now for someone crying poverty all the time, I thought the lunch might be at a casual little place, but not Danielle—she’s having it at Il Tulipano in Cedar Grove, NJ—which is a very nice place. I was recently there for an Autism fundraiser thrown by the Sassy Shop Girl Events and it was fantastic.

I find it odd that Danielle called Dina before Jacqueline, but regardless of call order—neither of them committed.  Jacqueline flat out said she wasn’t coming and Dina is checking her calendar—which means—don’t save a chair for her. Caroline wasn’t expected to be invited and I think she kind of respected Danielle for understanding their “agreement.”

Did I Miss Something?

Danielle throws this lunch and the whole reason for the lunch, her daughter and Christine wasn’t even there? I thought she might have at least been hiding with Waldo, but I couldn’t find him or his red and white hat anywhere.

Now why in the blue hell would Danielle reserve seats for Jacqueline and Dina when they already told her they weren’t coming? Guess it is all for show in front of the “Kims” and the rest of her friends. The lunch was a success and Danielle found out that she has one more Kim on her side. Apparently Kim “G” is her friend and not Caroline’s friend. This show is getting more like Wayne Hills 07470.

You can check out full episodes online of The Real Housewives of NJ on Bravo's website:

http://www.bravotv.com/full-episodes