Ranu's Reviews

Season 2 of the NJ Housewives opens up with the birth of Jacqueline’s son Nicholas. It’s a nice way to start the season, but the whole segment seemed to be edited so finely that it appeared to be just thrown together. Hopefully Bravo will take notice and put some more time into one the most entertaining shows on their network.

Cat Woman

Next stop is Dina’s house of funky felines. She has a hairless cat that is pretty cool looking and easy on the allergies—and a white cat that is groomed quite nicely. Dina is doing her best to surround herself with positive things as we later find out that she had some not-so-nice things happen to her  over the past year due to hanging around with NJ’s drama mama, Danielle.

Saint Danielle

The bad girl has found God and prays for those that have wronged her—can I get an Amen? Danielle pays a visit to Father Richard. I love when they subtitle people in English who are speaking English. This father just can’t be bothered. He tells her not to worry about what other people say, but Danielle wants him to teach her how to pray for them.

Father Richard asks her if she prays for them and her facial expression is about as blank as her checkbook. Danielle tattletales on the Franklin Lakes Femme Fatal and tells the priest that none of them go to church. That has to be a lie because I don’t know many Italian women who don’t go to church.

That Time of the Month

Each year before Teresa’s kids go back to school, she turns her garage into a sauce-making factory. The whole family helps with the production of 180 jars of sauce—enough for the whole year. That comes out to about 15 jars per month or roughly one jar of sauce every two days—that’s a lotsa pasta!

Teresa then asks Nicole if Aunt Flo is paying her a visit. Apparently the old school Italians believe that women should not make sauce when the red tide is in because it will spoil the tomatoes. That is a new one to me, but then again I never mass produced tomato sauce, so who I am to question the old country. Funny thing is that Teresa’s dad already asked Nicole before Teresa.

Skinny Albert            

Caroline’s husband Albert dropped 70 pounds in the past year which is an awesome accomplishment. I’ve seen Albert a few times at the Brownstone over the past years and I can’t believe what he looks like now. He went with Caroline to Barney’s for a private shopping experience and picked out a few new suits.

Danielle Is on the Chris List

Chris tells Jacqueline that he no longer wants Danielle in his life and that goes for Jacqueline too. I was surprised to hear Jacqueline stand up to Chris and tell him that she wasn’t going to completely get rid of Danielle and all her drama—that must be the Bravo contract talking.  He points out that if she is some friend how come she didn’t call, text or even send a card when the baby was born. Like all men, he doesn’t want any BS or drama in his life, but something tells me that Jacqueline’s friendship with Danielle is going to cause problems with her man somewhere down the road.

School Time

Teresa is running around like a pregnant nut getting Milania ready for her first day of school. I gotta give this lady credit dealing with the kids by herself. NowI don’t know if it is an Italian thing or a kid thing, but Milania packed about 30 snacks for her first day of school and told Teresa she had just one.

Sicilian Bitches

There is at least one person on Team Danielle and it is Kim D, the owner of Posche. Danielle and her Starbucks-slurping children showed up at the store to shop—and vent to Kim about Chris not wanting her around Jacqueline. Kim D tells her to take the high road as Danielle’s obvious insecurity arises when she asks Kim to reaffirm their friendship.

Movin’ Out

Turns out that Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley did finish high school and graduated to the dating scene with a guy that is five years older than her. Ashley also does not live at home anymore because she didn’t like the rules that her parents bestowed upon her. That takes balls and the kid has a big set because I don’t think I could ever leave my parents at the age of 18.

Jacqueline then asks her daughter, in front of her boyfriend, if she is using birth control. Now I know why she moved out! The boyfriend reluctantly tells her mom that they are and then Chris starts to scare the crap out of the kid by sharpening butcher knives while he is chopping up peppers. He also tells the kid that he is too old to date his daughter. Awkward!

Pooper Scoopers

Caroline is throwing her annual fundraiser dinner for the sheriff and Albert is concerned that somebody plopping down $1000 a plate is going to step in dog crap. He enlists his sons and their friend Vito who is now dating Lauren (Caroline’s daughter).

Down at the nail salon, Danielle is getting a pedicure and chatting it up with Rosa, the person working on her feet. At first, I thought it odd that Danielle would confide in her nail person, but I’m starting to see that Danielle will talk to just about anyone who will listen to her complain about Caroline.

Not the Lincoln and Not the Holland

Jacqueline arrives at the party and admits that she has no idea what the fundraiser is about. Must be nice not to care about plunking down a $1000 bucks for dinner. Danielle’s bestie, Lil’ Kim D, is at the party and she is telling everyone that she is not friends with her. Kim’s man Michael is telling the housewives that he doesn’t like Danielle either and doesn’t want Lil’ Kim making mix tapes with Danielle any more.

Teresa tells us that Danielle must have slept with 500 guys. That would explain the pile of sawdust by her headboard—500 is a lot of notches in that bed post! Then she is trying to figure out how big her hole is and compares it to the longest tunnel.

Danielle is heading to Caroline’s house, with her children, to see how many people are there. She’s not taking the Lincoln or Holland tunnel to get there, but she should be there any minute. Her daughter is telling her not to be an ass, but Danielle is not listening to the child that is wise beyond her years. Eventually she comes to her senses and decides not to pay the Manzos a visit, but it did take a lot of convincing from her kids.

Teresa then says that Danielle puts the “cont” in contradiction—biotch! I had to replay this a few times because I thought she said the “C” word, but she did not.

Next Week on RHONJ

They didn’t say what’s happening next week but they showed us what to expect from the upcoming season---DAMN—this is going to be a good one!

You can check out full episodes online of The Real Housewives of NJ on Bravo's website:

http://www.bravotv.com/full-episodes