Ranu's Reviews

We begin episode #4 with the girls of Green Brook explaining to the staff (minus Olivia who is late once again and the surprisingly absent Alexa) about the cover story for New Jersey Life Health & Beauty (NJLHB) magazine. Gayle explains the importance of getting on the cover of the magazine and the benefit of the free publicity.

Spies Like Us

Now NJLHB isn’t just going to give this cover to any salon. Apparently, they have employed savory spies to visit various salons in NJ to assist them with their decision. There was no mention of them checking for performance-enhancing drugs, but I think each of the ladies at the Gatsby can use what God gave them to enhance their performance if the spy is on the opposite team.

As Gayle mentioned, this is a great opportunity for the Gatsby—however, Tracy believes this even better for Team Tracy. At least the girl humbly admits that the Gatsby would be in the background of her feature on the cover. It better be a pretty big cover because I don’t think you’re going to see anything behind Tracy’s teased-up hair.

Everybody on Team Gatsby was very receptive to the news except Alexa. The Glam Fairy said she isn’t going to flap her wings any faster for this secret shopper, which on the surface sounds like the words of a douche, however, Alexa is trying to convey to the camera that she gives 110% to every client regardless of who it is, so there is no need for her to do anything differently. She is a professional and takes her work seriously, but I can see how her words and demeanor may be perceived as a little bit like “Summer’s Eve.”

Don’t Be Tardy for the Party

After the big speech by Gayle and Christy—Tracy takes advantage of the captive audience and passes out invitations to her birthday party. She wisely picks this moment to dispense purse-shaped invitations because Olivia is not at the Gatsby just yet and she can show Gayle that she is avoiding salon drama.

Tracy is having a safari party—which means the guests are encouraged to wear clothes with animal prints. This should not be a difficult task for NJ residents since I’m pretty sure the Garden State houses the most animal print clothing in the U.S.—with Florida being a close second. As a treat for the ladies—Anthony promised to wear his leopard Speedo.

Help Me Jebus

Olivia comes strolling in late once again and is about to get her bronzed booty ripped by Gayle when the Glam Fairy comes to her rescue and tells everyone that Olivia was with her. Now that is all fine and dandy, but Alexa neglected to tell Gayle about their little shopping expedition for makeup. Guess the Glam Fairy isn’t used to reporting to a Fairy Godmother since she is her own boss in the kingdom of Glam, but at the Gatsby, Gayle rules supreme and the Glam Fairy will need to get her wings in a row if she wants to continuing working there.

Alexa asks Olivia to wash some of her brushes for her as Tracy and her boobies decide to invite the Glam Fairy to her birthday extravaganza. Olivia mentions that it is the “cherry on top of Tracy’s day” when she invited Alexa to the party in front of her. Team Olivia takes her bedazzled cell phone outside to discuss with Briella. She mentions that she doesn’t know how long she can keep the anger inside because it is starting to ooze out of her pores and all the holes in her body. She then asks Briella what the holes in your body are called. Olivia should worry more about getting those brushes washed than what her “orfices” are properly named.

Next thing you know, the Glam Fairy tells Olivia that she didn’t care if Christ burst through the walls—she doesn’t wait for brushes. I get the point, but I think if Jesus burst through the walls you got bigger problems than some dirty brushes.

Throw Another Shrimp on the Barbie

All the employees, minus Alexa, are grilling their clients to see if they can weed out the super secret salon spy. Anthony is working some girl and asks her if she is sure she doesn’t work in journalism. Why? Because she looks like she works in journalism.

Gigi has some artifact of a gentleman in her chair who happens to be a writer. Something tells me his idea of writing involves a quill and a jar of ink, but Gigi is not taking his lack of a pulse for granted and does her due diligence in trying to see if he is a spy. I think Gigi may be right about this guy because he might have served under Benedict Arnold back in the day.

After watching Tracy in action—I think I need to start getting my hair done by her. All you see is this guy’s head and her impressive breastesses. Award-winning camera work to whoever shot this segment! Tracy sure is talking a lot during her haircuts as Olivia points out, but I didn’t hear anything.

Somebody Grew a Set

I think they should’ve called this episode, “How many times can we get Alexa to say,” I don’t care about the secret shopper” on film.” This time, Christy heard her say it and called the Glam Fairy out in front of all the employees. She was pissed at Alexa and interpreted her actions as not being a team player. Those wings were backpedaling while talking with Christy and for once, Alexa stated that she had nothing else to say.

She also went on to say that nobody talks to her that way and it is not what she signed up for. Bottom line is that Alexa is an employee of the Gatsby and not a co-owner. The double-G logo doesn’t stand for Gatsby & Glam Fairy—it is just Gatsby. She might want to take some lessons from Anthony, a fellow business owner, on how to act as an employee.

Sandwich Meet

Briella and Olivia get together at a local deli for subs and to talk about Tracy. They split a sub that is about the size of a small child. Olivia’s bestie failed etiquette 101 and talks with her mouth full of luncheon meat. So not hot.

Briella has a little Cruella in her as she tells Olivia to have a party on the same night as Tracy’s birthday party. Olivia decides to invite everyone at the Gatsby and the girls argue over the definition of camouflage.

The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on the Floor

Anthony is cutting a suspiciously inquisitive lady when his cell phone rings. He politely excuses himself and we find out that there is a problem at his salon in Verona that is getting remodeled. The roof/ceiling has collapsed and it is now time for Mr. Lombardi to hit the Parkway North. Christy lets him go and then rushes over to see if Gigi can cover his client as well. I think Christy needs to get out behind that desk more because she was rocking the mini skirt that day.

Anthony gets back to his salon to see a good portion of the roof and ceiling tiles in the middle of his floor. His wife is there with Anthony Jr. and she explains that Anthony needs to get his kid out of there due to the fumes while she waits for the roofer. He is left with no choice but to chuck the baby seat in the car and take Junior with him to the Gatsby. Meanwhile, Gigi is juggling two clients when Olivia decides to step up out of La La Land, as Gayle puts it, and do a complimentary makeup on the client that is waiting.

Anthony returns to the salon with his kid and all the women leave their stations like there is a 50% off sale at Coach. He then takes over Gigi’s client so she can watch Anthony Jr. The kid gets an extremely cute Mohawk and then sits with Christy behind the desk. Smart kid! Everything works out, but Christy is a little concerned that the Gatsby is looking more like a daycare center than an upscale salon.

Christy’s Mama Ain’t Digging this Drama

Operation Piss Tracy Off went into effect as soon as Olivia delivered invitations to her “junglelicious” party on the same night as Tracy’s Birthday Safari party. I had to laugh as Olivia played it perfectly by saying that she had no idea about Tracy’s party because she wasn’t invited. Tracy elegantly invited Team Olivia outside for a little discussion on the double-booking of the parties. At first, Olivia refused to go outside, but Christy insisted she go instead of arguing in front of the whole salon.

The two start going at it in the middle of a parking lot on Route 22. It was providing quite the show from inside the Gatsby—especially when Tracy decided not to let Olivia back in the salon by blocking the door with her bodacious boobies and booty. Olivia pointed out that the salon spy wouldn’t be able to get into the salon because Tracy is frigging bodyguarding the door like she’s at a club and might as well have “security” written on her broad back.

Now the ladies are arguing right in front of the door to the Gatsby. Olivia calls Tracy’s spray tan disgusting and Tracy fights back by calling Olivia “fake and bake.” LOL! Anthony opened a can of spinach and said, “That’s all I can stands cuz I can’t stands no more” and decides to put an end to the cat fight.

Gayle talks to the Gatsby gals and gives them yet another warning about keeping the drama out of the workplace. I had to laugh when Gayle said she didn’t care about Olivia’s “Jungle Fever.”

She’s Got the Looks that Kill

After the blowout (pun intended), we are treated to a ridiculous barrage of icy glares from Tracy and Olivia. Tracy mentioned that being nice to Olivia is torture and Olivia can’t believe that she has to look at Tracy all day in her “frigging Flashdance outfit.”

Ain’t No Party Like a Tracy Party

Everybody is busy decorating and getting dressed for their respective par-tays. Olivia must think that there is a chance that Tracy may show up at her party with a shank, because it looks like she is installing some type of zebra-plated body armor around her midsection. Looks like all the employees decided to go to Tracy’s party first and are having a great time.

Meanwhile the crickets are chirping at Olivia’s apartment as the only excitement is watching Briella trying to sit on the couch without exposing her Cheetah Girl underwear. The doorbell finally rings and it’s the Gatsby crew. So both parties were a success and this episode has ended.

Next Week on Jerseylicious

Girlfriends are getting make unders. Should be a good one!